After my cancer diagnosis, I decided to re-evaluate my habits and turn those that were unhealthy into healthy ones and support those that were already healthy!
However, to start with, I tried to change everything – all in one go! I suppose a life-threatening event can create that knee-jerk reaction. My initial response had been fear and panic, and the need to change everything, but I went for a walk and gave myself a good talking to. Does anyone else do that? Is it just me?
I realised that I already had techniques for letting go of old habits and establishing new ones. I knew the best ways to embed the new habits that I wanted, and to ensure that they stayed with me; so that’s exactly what I did.
Have you ever started a new routine or daily activity only to find that it becomes harder to keep it going? You start well, then you miss a day, and a few excuses creep in? Before you know it, a week has passed, then a month, and the new habit is forgotten.
I’ve been told in the past that it takes 21 days to embed a new habit so that it becomes part of your daily routine. There have been times though when I’ve struggled to reach the 21 days. However, there are techniques to creating new habits and sticking to them!
But first, consider:
- Is this really a habit you want to take on: are you motivated to do it?
Sometimes, we try too hard to do something that we think we ‘should be’ doing, rather than asking ourselves if it brings us true wellbeing.
- Out of 10, how committed are you to really forming this as a new habit?
If the answer is below 10, explore what you need to do to make your commitment a 10.
Ready to take on a new habit? Here’s my technique
- Exporing your habit. Identify a habit that you want to change, and explore it.
When do you do this habit? Are there triggers or certain emotions that cause you to do this habit? What is the response?
Sometimes when we find it tougher to let go of a particular habit, it can be because there is a perceived gain, such as emotional comfort when eating chocolate. Use your journal to really explore this habit. Find out as much as you can.
Once you have greater awareness, you can choose other ways to meet that need. If you need comfort, instead of eating chocolate, you may decide to chat to a friend, hug your partner, eat something healthy that nourishes your body and tastes good.
- Replace an unhealthy habit with a new behaviour.
When you feel like giving into a habit, first stop yourself. Take a deep breath counting in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Do this a few times. It gives you the space to break an automatic pattern. This is the key to breaking old habits and creating new ones. Break the automatic response.
Having given yourself some breathing space (literally) you can choose to do something different instead of your usual automatic response. Congratulate yourself on your new choice.
- Harness the power of visualisations.
If you are struggling to let go of an old habit and bring in a new one, start to visualise the changing habit. Every time you get a few minutes during the day, imagine the old habit changing into the new habit. How does it feel? What do you notice? What are you saying to yourself? What can you see as you change to your new habit? Involve your senses as much as you can. Have fun with it!
- Consider visual cues.
If I want to make sure I went to my yoga or pilates class, I leave the bag with my mat and blocks by the front door so I have to walk past it a few times a day. Consider any other cues, such as an image on your phone or laptop, alarms, stick it notes on the mirror, asking a friend to call you or a note on the fridge.
- Confide in a buddy who can support you
I call them an ‘accountability partner’. Someone you trust to support you in achieving your new goal or habit and someone who will challenge your excuses!
- Hang a new habit off an already established habit
If you want to do a morning mindfulness session, and you already have the routine or habit of a morning cup of tea or coffee, hang your new mindfulness session off the established habit. As the new habit becomes more linked to the old, you’ll find it becomes easier to follow the new habit. Use your established routines to support your new habit.
- Start small.
Deciding to cut out sugar, drink 4 pints of water every day, do a 30 minute walk every morning before work, do 10 mins meditation every evening before bed, use the sauna twice a week and start a new regime of supplements all on day one is too much for anyone! It is putting yourself under too much pressure. Remember some amazing gains can be made with minor changes. Just by changing some of our small daily routines and gradually bringing in self-care practices we can change our mindset & our body. Just be patient & give yourself the time you need.
- Pay attention to your self-talk.
Is it negative or positive? Does it support your new habit or undermine it? Remember to reframe any negative thinking with thoughts such as ‘I’m doing well’, ‘I’m making progress’. Focus on what you have achieved, not what you haven’t achieved.
- Are you using the word ‘must’?
This word usually comes from a habit already in place, realise that it isn’t a done deal, and you can re-negotiate with a ‘must’. If you have a habit of checking your work emails on your days off, you may want to change that habit to give yourself a proper break from work. Where is the must? ‘I must deal with all my emails as soon as they arrive’. ‘I must make sure I know everything going on even on my days off’, ‘I must be in control’, ‘I must clear all of my emails in my inbox daily’. Who says you must do this? Re-negotiate or try a different behaviour. Start it as an experiment and see what happens. Usually, the new behaviour helps you to realise your must is nothing more than a habit!
- Accept not all days are good Be ok with that. Accept yourself, there is no judgement or expectation. Tomorrow is another day.
Remember to celebrate your success.
Acknowledge what you have achieved and give yourself rewards along the way. Focus on your progress and celebrate in a way that supports and encourages you. Here are some ideas:
- Write a letter of gratitude to yourself
- Go for a walk in nature
- Have a long & indulgent bath
- Give yourself a shout out on social media
- Take a day off and visit a favourite place
- Share with friends and family
- Write down your success and put it somewhere so that you can see it every day
- Give yourself the gift of some extra time to do something you enjoy
- Thank everyone who supported you, including yourself
You can do this, whenever you bring something positive into being you are coming closer to your authentic self & letting go of the layers that are not real. No matter what old habits you let go of or the new ones you cultivate, you are coming closer to being authentic you.
Much love
Jennifer